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Sunday, September 2, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
Ashes to Ashes
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Eighty Year Old Virgin
One day an old lady went to the doctor because she had an itch in her crotch. She told the doctor her problem and he said, “You have the crabs.” She informed the doctor that it could not be the crabs because she was an eighty year old virgin.
She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said, “You probably have the crabs”. No” she said, “I am an eighty year old virgin.”
Frustrated, she went to a third doctor.She said, “Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch. Don’t tell me that it is the crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin. It can not be the crabs.”The doctor said, Jump on the table and let’s have a look.” After examining, the doctor proclaimed, “Ma’am, your right, you do not have the crabs. This cherry is sooooo old, you have fruit flies.”
She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said, “You probably have the crabs”. No” she said, “I am an eighty year old virgin.”
Frustrated, she went to a third doctor.She said, “Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch. Don’t tell me that it is the crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin. It can not be the crabs.”The doctor said, Jump on the table and let’s have a look.” After examining, the doctor proclaimed, “Ma’am, your right, you do not have the crabs. This cherry is sooooo old, you have fruit flies.”
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Postcards from Honeymoon
A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but “Nescafe.” Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: “Good till the last drop.” Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: “Benson & Hedges.” Mom now knew to go straight to her husband’s cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: “Extra Long. King Size.” She was again slightly embarrased but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by, and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: “British Airways.” Mom took out her latest Harper’s Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: “Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways.” Mom fainted.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but “Nescafe.” Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: “Good till the last drop.” Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: “Benson & Hedges.” Mom now knew to go straight to her husband’s cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: “Extra Long. King Size.” She was again slightly embarrased but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by, and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: “British Airways.” Mom took out her latest Harper’s Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: “Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways.” Mom fainted.
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